Unnecessarily Complicated

“Love and marriage, love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage . . .”

Ah, the good old days of watching the Bundys.  Not that this has anything to do with what I am talking about.  I just find the expectations placed on people amusing. And by expectations, I am referring to love, marriage, and children. Quite honestly, I do not understand the attraction of either marriage or children.

Gasp! Heaven forbid that I as a female would say that I do not believe in marriage and children. That makes me unnatural. Well, not that I truthfully care what others think, but I believe being “unnatural” is better in this day and age.  With an absurdly high divorce  rate, I have no intention of jumping into marriage or even getting married at all.

I have seen marriages fail. Multiple times. I have seen people together who should never have married in the first place and now live together in misery because they don’t want to admit they made a mistake. Divorce is wrong.  No, divorce is not wrong. Rushing into marriage before discussing the important things is wrong. But what would I know?

Well, let’s see. My parents were extremely incompatible and probably should have never married. When my dad remarried, it was like repeating the same mistake over. So, at the ripe old age of 39, my dad has been thrice married, twice divorced, which is better than my cousin’s track record who has been thrice married, twice divorced at a much younger age.

Even though I grew up in the loving two parent home of my grandparents, I have come to realize that I have no desire to get married. I really also have no desire to have children either. I like kids, but I know that I am not mother material and that I honestly do not want to raise any. People believe I will change my mind. It is entirely possible, but not foreseeable for quite some time at least.

My elder sister is happily married and is now expecting her first child. I am happy that she has found love and is fulfilling her dream of becoming a mother. I am not envious of her and her spouse. Marriage and motherhood have always been her dreams, never mine. At one point I thought I had those dreams too, but really that was me accepting what other people thought, not what I actually desired.

I know that I am not alone in feeling this way, but it always irks me that people think that this mentality is not normal. Friends tell me I have to get married and have children, so our kids can be friends and grow up together. Unfortunately, for them, I don’t plan on changing my mind. If I do, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, but I have realized in the past few years, I honestly do not desire the institution of marriage nor do I wish to bear children and as the years pass, that seems to become more firmly  rooted, not less.

Let the chips fall where they may. No one knows what ride life has in store for them.

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One thought on “Unnecessarily Complicated

  1. my co-worker tonight was talking to somebody on the phone about me. she said something like, "no, she's single. no, she's SINGLE. like, she WANTS to be single. no relationship, no kids, no nuthin'. i've asked her before, 'do you REALLY want to be ALONE for the rest of your life?!?' and she ALWAYS says 'YES!' without ANY hesitation. i thought at first that it was some sort of show she was putting on, but now that i've known her for over a year, i realize she's just WIRED that way! it's so… well, that's just how she is!"

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